Adnerb the Movie Nerd

Movie reviews from a middle school teacher's perspective

Fantasy Island

By Leave a Comment

Apple Rating:

I think this movie might have more of a following among younger people who have never heard of the original Fantasy Island, but I doubt it.  The original T.V. show featured Mr. Roark and his mysterious butler ( assisstant? helper?) Tatoo.  Mr. Roark granted guests a wish of some kind that usually ended up teaching them a moral lesson.  They always left the island wiser, happier and very much alive.  This new version captures none of the charm of the original.  The new Mr. Roark is played by Michael Pena. I have liked him in many roles; but he’s no Ricardo Montalban, he’s just plain miscast.   He has a female assisstant who tells Mr. Roark when the plane with the guests has arrived.  The movie goes right off any relation to the original, and  completely downhill, from there.  Eventually we find out that Mr. Roark is not granting any wishes- it is the Fantasy Island itself that is sort of controlling the action via some funky water found in a cave in the heart of the island.  Unlike the original, guests can and do get hurt, and even killed.  Welcome guests, to Murder Island! But this is no Rated R horror movie, more like a cheapo  SciFi channel schlockfest.  The acting isn’t great and the plot is almost funny (but it isn’t trying to be), and more than almost murky and overly complex. *****SPOILER ALERT*****  Don’t read any further if you plan on seeing this movie in the theatre (you aren’t, are you?)  How is this for poor writing?  At the end of the movie Mr. Roark ends up with a new aide, who has become doomed to remain on this island. He is played by Jimmy O. Yang.  Mr. Roark wonders what he should call his new assistant.  It is decided he will go by the tattoo he got on his shoulder in college.  What does the tattoo say?  Tattoo of course!  Clever? Not really.

OSCAR PREDICTION TIME!

By Leave a Comment

Apple Rating:

Well here we go again – it’s Oscar Time.  I love the Oscars because they are glitzy, kitchy, unpredictable, and always reflect the good and bad of today’s society.  I have been watching and predicting the outcome of The Academy Awards for over 50 years – sometimes getting all of them right, and other times not so much.  This year I am going to predict who I think will win, and if different, who I think should have won.

BEST ACTOR:  Joaquin Phoenix is a shoe-in for playing the Joker in “Joker,” and I have to agree his performance was mesmerizing, and frightening!

BEST ACTRESS: Rene Zellweger  gave a heart-rending performance as  Judy Garland and I would pick her to get the Oscar as well.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:  Brad Pitt is going to earn his first Oscar for  “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:  Laura Dern is the favorite here and I think the academy is going to give it to this well-liked actress.

BEST DIRECTOR:  This is a hard category to predict.  I think the academy might give this one to “Parasite” director  Bong Joon-ho; but if they don’t, I think Sam Mendes is deserving also.

BEST PICTURE:  This is the hardest category to predict.  A few weeks ago, I was convinced that “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” was definitely going to get Quentin Tarantino his first academy award.  But now that he hasn’t scored any other major awards, I  think the Academy isn’t going to go rogue and give him one.  The Oscar might go to “Parasite,” but since it will  probably win in the foreign category – I am going to go out on a limb and say that “1917″ will win (with apologies to my son Matt).

BEST ORIGINAL SCREEN PLAY:  “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” is a pretty dark horse for this one as I think they will give it to “Parasite,” but I am going to go with Tarantino anyway,

BEST ADAPTED SCREEN PLAY:  “Jojo Rabbit” was one of the most original stories I have seen in a long time ,so I am hoping this is the winner.

BEST FOREIGN FILM:  “Parasite.”

BEST SONG: Elton John and Bernie Taupen’s “(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again.”   I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if “Stand Up” wins from the movie “Harriet.”

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE: John Williams is not going to win in this category and I really want him to, so he is my prediction.  You can’t get any more iconic than “Star Wars” music.

There you go; my picks for the 2019 Oscars.  What do you think?

Gretel and Hansel

By Leave a Comment

Apple Rating:

Well, this “Hansel and Gretel” fit a perfect storm of what we didn’t want to see today. There were no movies playing we hadn’t seen (Parasite is the only Oscar movie I wanted to see that I never got to), and this at least started at a convenient time.  So we thought, “Why not?”  Sorry to say it, but this movie was terrible. The story follows the titular siblings leaving their shabby existence and embarking on an excrutiatingly slow walk through a forest (what, no bread crumbs?). Where are they headed? What is their goal?  An interjected and otherwise meaningless character sets them on their path. Eventually they come upon a plain looking cottage (not made of gingerbread, cake or candy even).  Apparently the cottage is owned by a weird witch who has evil intentions.  Odd, disjointed occurences and dreams happen, mysteries unexplained and never fully resolved, and nothing seems connected. Hansel leaves, Gretel stays.  The patron is left holding the bag. That is the movie in a nutshell.  Nothing much happens, it isn’t creepy, scary or even particularly gruesome. I would do yourself a favor and reread the Grimm fairy tale that it is loosly based on.

The Rhythm Section

By Leave a Comment

Apple Rating:

I have seen some really good movies in the past few months.  Unfortunately, this was not one of them.  “The RhythmSection” stars Blake Lively as Stephanie Patrick, who has sunk into a life of prostitution and drugs after her whole family is killed in an airplane crash.  After finding out that the crash was actually caused by a bomb, she decides to track down those responsible and kill them.   This makes it even worse, since they changed flights for her, and she didn’t even show up for the flight. The first clue I had that this movie wasn’t Oscar calibre was when I started to doze about 30 minutes in.  I think I was in and out for about 15 minutes and I didn’t miss much.  The first hour was labored, and even boring at times, as it dragged on introducing us to Stephanie and her sleazy life.  She is found by a reporter trying to help her determine who really was responsible for the bombing of her family’s flight.  But he is murdered.  She is able to trace his source and takes several buses to Scotland, where she is able to easily find the source, who is played by Jude Law.  He may or may not be an MI6 agent.  Don’t worry, you’re never going to find out. The second half of the movie picks up as Stephanie poses as a Russian hit-woman, but she isn’t very good.  It’s no wonder, as it looks like Jude spent at least three or four days ‘training’ her.  You are left to wonder what exactly he actually taught her. In fact she only fullfills most of her missions by sheer luck.  There is a lot of action in the second half, but most of it is poorly written and a bit perposterous.  I think I can tell you without spoiling the movie that rhythm section refers to having control of your heart beat and breathing so that you can keep your emotions under control.  I felt left hanging at several points and at times, events didn’t flow naturally into each other.  A lot of things were left unexplained and unexplored. Definitely not worth seeing in a theatre even if you are a fan of Jude Law (which I am) or Blake Lively (which I am not).

The Gentlemen

By Leave a Comment

Apple Rating:

I have been a semi-fan of Hugh Grant for several years.  He plays doofy and kind of smarmy characters (but with a hidden side of decency and heart that eventually comes out) better than just about anyone.  So what a pleasant surprise to discover a deliciously evil Hugh Grant in Guy Ritchie’s newest movie, “The Gentlemen.”  The story follows American Mickey Pearson (Matthew McConaughey), who has built a profitable marijuana empire in London. Word gets out that he is looking to sell his business and retire.  This piece of news sets off a whole series of events that include extortion, schemes and betrayals, sundry illegalities and even murder as various lowlifes compete to take his empire.  In the middle of it all is a seedy, almost unrecogizable Hugh Grant playing Fletcher,a sleazy private eye who also narrates the story.  Guy Ritchie also employees a cast of characters well played by Charlie Hunnam, Michelle Dockery, Colin Farrell and Jeremy Strong.  There is action galore and several twists and turns keep things interesting.  At one point, a giant pig plays a key, if somewhat disgusting role.  I liked this movie more than I thought it would and it is the kind of mindless, but enthusiastic, entertainment that I like to watch before the Oscar results come out.