The King’s Daughter

What can you say about a truly terrible movie?  Not since I saw Johnny Depp in “Mordecai” have I been so disappointed in a movie as I was in “The King’s Daughter.”  Pierce Brosnan (shame on you!) stars as the most unhistorical Louis XIV in history.  He has the ludicrous idea that if he can catch and kill a mermaid, he will live forever.  For some unexplained reason, he has hidden an illegitimate daughter in a nunnery (even though he had many illegitimate offspring with many mistresses that he proudly took credit for).  While at the nunnery, his daughter, Marie-Josephe, played by a dismally underqualified and uninspiring Kaya Scodelario, is an independent and troublesome charge.  She is eventually brought to court, where it is revealed the King is actually her father.    In another story line, a mermaid from Atlantis (?) is captured in the most ham fisted and unbelievable way (the CGI is amateurish); and put in a super quickly created grotto near the palace.  (In an amazing feat of 17th century construction, the grotto is full of underwater pinnacles, deep fissures and a secret connection to the harbor of Le Havre via the River Seine!)  Louis needs this mermaid so he can have her killed during a solar eclipse, thereby somehow guaranteeing his immortality.  William Hurt (How dare you!  What a sad way to put a stake in the remnants of what used to be a great acting life) plays a priest who supports his king until even he realizes killing a mermaid is just plain wrong.  Many other pointless and uninspiring events occur. So what makes this movie so terrible (if the plot isn’t enough of a clue)?  Well, it is not interesting or entertaining, has no action, a half-hearted romance, and the worst costumes ever!  Most of the supporting characters are poorly developed cartoons who aren’t going to get anyone’s interest. It wasn’t until I was looking up the movie on my phone that I discovered this was actually filmed in 2014 and couldn’t find someone willing to distribute it.  I guess with COVID curtailing filming, even a terrible movie seems like a good investment.  It isn’t.  It is too late for me, but at least you can save yourself and your loved ones by totally ignoring “The King’s Daughter.”