“Hellboy” was two hours of my life I will never get back!  If you relish poor acting, largely terrible writing and an incomprehensible, silly plot, by all means go take a look.  Marvel has set a pretty high standard for super hero movies and “Hellboy” falls way short with this effort -off the cliff short.  Here is the plot in a nutshell, if you could call it a plot. Long, long time ago, in a ridiculously and unnecessarily convoluted and invented mythic lore, the Blood Queen Nimue (Milla Jovovich) is ready to take over the world with her demon army.  King Arthur and Merlin, placed in the 6th Century for some reason, foil her scheme, using Excalibur.  The king has her body cut up into seven pieces, to be carried to seven far points of the kingdom and hidden “forever.”  He buries the still animated head himself.  Jump forward to now. Hellboy (David Harbour)  is sent by his “dad” ( Ian McShane) to battle three giants who are destroying the English countryside. Once he accomplishes this, in what is really a clumsy and overblown and gory manner, he jumps into the problem created by Nimue’s chief minion who is suddenly running about finding all her body bits so that he can help resurrect her.  How does this creature know where they are?  Magic?  Where did he come from? What activated him? Who knows?  Once she is resurrected though, she apparently wants to marry Hellboy and use him to help her bring about the end of the world. You see, Hellboy has some royal blood (don’t ask) which means that he is the only person who can wield Excaliber. When she marries him, they, with the sword, will rule the world?  Confused yet?  It only gets worse.  It’s so intricate,, it beggars summarization.  He finds this all out when he encounters Merlin, who has been imprisoned in an underground crypt for all this time.  He reveals Arthur’s great sword to Hellboy, who won’t take it, and Merlin crumbles away.  Back to Hellboy uniting with “Dad” and some bad creature specialist and animorphing cheetah (Daniel Dae Kim, who should have stayed “Lost.”) and Alice (Sasha Lane) of Wonderland inspiration, but an inspriration that is mighty tenuous.  This Alice is a psychic who vomits dead apparitions.  Now add a diaper wearing pig, Nazis, and of course, Baba Yaga to the mix.  Sounds confusing? Yes, try following it.  It’s a jumble, jumps all over, and doesn’t flow well.  The plot holes are many. The dialogue is mediocre – a few laughs, but mostly trite, unimaginative drivel, and lame humor that falls like a dead cinder in a grate.  If you really need to see humans torn apart in every conceivable, gory way though, you will have found the movie for you.  According to the end scene in the middle of the credits (DC Universe aping the MCU, no originality there), there is a sequel planned.  Why?