Gretel and Hansel

Well, this “Hansel and Gretel” fit a perfect storm of what we didn’t want to see today. There were no movies playing we hadn’t seen (Parasite is the only Oscar movie I wanted to see that I never got to), and this at least started at a convenient time.  So we thought, “Why not?”  Sorry to say it, but this movie was terrible. The story follows the titular siblings leaving their shabby existence and embarking on an excrutiatingly slow walk through a forest (what, no bread crumbs?). Where are they headed? What is their goal?  An interjected and otherwise meaningless character sets them on their path. Eventually they come upon a plain looking cottage (not made of gingerbread, cake or candy even).  Apparently the cottage is owned by a weird witch who has evil intentions.  Odd, disjointed occurences and dreams happen, mysteries unexplained and never fully resolved, and nothing seems connected. Hansel leaves, Gretel stays.  The patron is left holding the bag. That is the movie in a nutshell.  Nothing much happens, it isn’t creepy, scary or even particularly gruesome. I would do yourself a favor and reread the Grimm fairy tale that it is loosly based on.